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May 11, 2026


8:04pm I’ve lost a lot of my power these past few years. I feel like a different person. When I say I feel like a different person I am not kidding. I feel totally unrecognizable. 



8:05pm my whole ordeal with Voxsriin and all the other beings in my mental reality. I cannot even meditate genuinely anymore. A long time ago it was me inside the body, but now I’m spectating the body and it feels like there is no ‘me’. 



8:08pm I’m just trying to get by in this reality. I have everything I need yes, but I just want my powers restored. I’ve changed. A lot. I suppose I shall just go through the changes. But I literally don’t recognize myself.




8:18pm I think I’m transforming



May 12, 2026


4:21pm during my long nap today there were moments where I was about to float out of my body. But despite me feeling the exit points, I still felt a wall of you will separating me from my out of body experience. But I’m almost there



May 13, 2026


1:41pm I’m not just aware, I’m aware that I’m aware



1:59pm I am both significant and insignificant. And that’s okay.



2:59pm I like the word Mindverse. I learned it from this TikToker named King Cassius



May 14, 2026


12:24pm I had a dream I met Madonna . I also had a dream I was back in the mental hospital  



6:15pm I must maintain the physical. No matter what. Until my time in this world comes to a close



May 15, 2026


5:32pm I’m starting to feel like I have no soul.



May 16, 2026


5:24pm this world is a void.

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May 18, 2026


7:10pm I don’t have to change. I am perfect as I am. In the flow of life.



May 19, 2026


5:38pm there’s no direction .



6:18pm I’m mad that I have to lose weight in order to be healthy. Or the fact that gaining weight is a concept to begin with. Why do the best tasting foods contribute to weight gain and the most disgusting foods contribute to weight loss? It doesn’t seem fair to me but I’ll lose this weight. I weigh 298 pounds as of today. I don’t think I’m gonna eat anymore. 



6:46pm life is not kind. This world is not kind.



7:00PM I long for escape.



7:09pm I’m officially done eating. It’s not my responsibility anymore.



May 20, 2026



10:39am I won this game in my dreams. We were going through a ship with this butterfly. It was fun.



12:18pm I’m gonna eat some food. Starving myself is not an option. I should eat lighter.



3:49pm I’m in a really bad mood right now. I hate this world so much. But that’s obviously not gonna stop me from achieving my goals. I just count my days on a subconscious level



4:10pm I’m just gonna learn how to detach. From everything.



May 21, 2026


6:44pm I’m starting to feel more like myself again. I’m a businessman.



May 22, 2026


6:58pm I didn’t exist before this life. And I need to accept the fact that I may not exist after it.



7:25pm I need to cope with my insignificance. That makes me feel more human. My fragility. My vulnerability. All of it. I don’t have to have life all figured out.  I’m learning to accept the negative sides to myself,

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​ 147 April 27, 2026  12:37pm I’m going to take a shower today. Got therapy. 12:53pm just finished my shower. Now waiting for my ride. 12:57pm I feel so nauseous  1:36pm I just got to therapy. 3:13pm therapy went well today. I discovered that I have very little thoughts. And that I used to allow myself to be sensitive to them. When in reality, I need to learn to let them go more. Because my thoughts have no control over me. 3:46pm I just got home. Now I’m gonna eat some food 6:16pm I’m going to go search for my ukulele. 6:21pm I found it! Now it’s time to just play it and have fun 7:19pm I’m watching this cool documentary on consciousness by Aperture on YouTube . Makes me think about myself 🤔  7:27pm they’re talking about how consciousness is like a computational model. Which I agree with. It is not anything mystical or whatnot . 7:42pm I just learned about qualia, which is referred to as “the basic building blocks of experience.” 8:30pm I finished the other documentary ...
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