Progress Report 104

Progress Report 104

May 15, 2025

3:55pm: so discouraged right now. Only doing the bare minimum 

5:20pm: I don’t think I wanna feel anything anymore. There’s wisdom in numbing your emotions. Not joy no hate. Just blank empty. My feelings are a target on my back and I’m gonna work on numbing them. Not suppressing them.

5:39pm: I’m currently realizing people don’t care about me. I’m so numb I’m so dry. I feel so dull and drained. Believe it or not this is progress. All suffering and pain I experience condition me to become stronger and see the world for what it actually is. And not some soft wrapped lie. Not my family, not my team, not anyone, cares about me as I thought. I don’t even know who anyone is anymore. Believe it or not this is indeed progress. 

5:42pm: I also have no identity. I don’t want a personality. I don’t want any of that. I just want something I cannot tell. Something too complex for certain ears

5:50pm: Progress can be both good and bad. Regardless I’m sharing my progress whether it’s nice or cruel. Anyway. I ran out of food and currently going hungry now. I don’t wanna ask for help anymore because people don’t care. Currently too scared to go out in public after a traumatic incident. Suffering is just part of my journey I guess. If I do fail at reaching my dreams, all I know is I tried. I had such big hopes and dreams, I had so much happiness joy and love, and then society happened. And then sabotage from both nonphysical and physical people happened. And now I’m broken. I think my dream is gone. But I’m still continuing anyway. I have no desire anymore. My feelings are gone. I have a program though and I’m dedicated to it. But even then I feel like I’ll betray my own program because of life and the shifts in my schedule that are out of my control. And that just hurts. I had so much great hope. And I was beaten until they took it away from me. In a life that I didn’t ask to be in too. Oh 

9:34pm: After the relative I trust gave me advice. I’m done with war. I declare Peace. Forget all that I said and let’s move past that. I never wanted to fight anyway. I want to go read a book somewhere. I wanna learn to be quiet and finally avoid trouble

11:14pm: My program is currently on hiatus until I feel better to come back. Resting is a part of the journey you know

May 16, 2025

8:13am: Working on private life and public work and business balance

11:02am: I feel like giving up. I already stopped fighting. I declared peace. I don’t want to be causing trauma to anyone else. We’re all equal and we deserve to heal. Please leave me alone. I’m tired now. My war is over. I don’t want to fight anymore. I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore. Those days are over. Why do I still keep learning harsh lessons? From others, and from myself? I gave up already. Please just please stop

1:21pm: I’m back and better. But I’m different. Ya

2:35pm: I’m my own reality. We’re all our own reality. Everything we see has the potential to be a reflection of us. Even when they aren’t exactly our fault. That’s one of the complexities of Life. Things can be twisted to make it seem like your fault, and evidence can be tampered with until the ones hurting you have their evidence the way they want it. It’s a wild lesson. A harsh one. But it’s real. This is what I learned in my life so far.

Sometimes there is no escape so you need to do what you need to do to survive. Even if they are things you’ll regret. And what I mean by that, is you may have high standards for yourself but you’re in a situation where you have to degrade yourself, because if you defend yourself too much your people that hurt you will beat you down further. That’s why you just have to survive. It’s a crazy life we live in. 

Doing things that degrade yourself for survival purposes doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you wise actually. You’re saving your own life. Slaves can’t go around beating or even screaming at their slave-masters. Even eye-contact puts us in a dangerous situation. 

When I say us, I am saying this because I sympathize with those enslaved. It’s a scary brutal reality that manipulates all your worth. And what’s even more sad is that there is not always a real escape. Some of us are born into this without consenting or intending for it. But I believe the end will come. All will completely cease. I can see things are slowly becoming better. Evil will not last for long. Corruption does not always last forever. 

I don’t really believe in justice. At least not for myself, but one thing I know, is everything, all things will come to an end. Even my nonphysical reality will come to an end. 

If I awaken next time and don’t completely cease, I just hope my next existence and experience is better. But that’s all I can do. Only hope

5:45pm So there is God and Master. God is god’s light side, and Master is god’s dark side. I don’t mean dark as in evil. Clarifying

8:51pm: A good video from another wise person who knows what I’m talking about. Please follow her and give this video a watch!

https://youtu.be/p8wVXoQoizY?si=UoUk1ekoM4HYNsIW

Homelessness for LGBTQ Youth. Resources. 

joshuahomelgbtq.org

The Center

909 512 6767

Advocates for Long Term Housing and Programs to help with homelessness of LGBTQ Youth.

Main Number

877 726 4274

11:12pm: Legal Advice for Recording Conversations if You Fear for Your Safety…

https://fresnocriminallawyer.com/when-is-it-admissible-to-record-someone-without-their-consent/amp/

May 17, 2025

1:44am: That’s the thing about fame, you could want to take everyone with you and then you’ll find they no longer want to talk to you anymore. I thought famous people would be the first to act like no one exists. Nope. It’s those you know and thought you could trust. They’ll be the first ones to act like you don’t exist. They treat you like you’re a competition 

9:15am: when people see you respecting them. They disrespect you. They’ll try to dominate you. They take advantage. At least certain people. I know full well the world is not all like that. There are good people out there. But where are they? That’s why I love the internet so much. Times are different and we ain’t isolated

10:54am: I wanna change the world itself. Not people

10:58am: I’ve been on this earth forever. I believe I’ve had past lives

11:03am: Yahweh enslaved me. I fell for his trap years ago. He left me cause he knew I was awakening. Realizing all the bad he done. No wonder I’m in a lineage that worships him. I’m still enslaved sort of but am already escaping. He left because he a loser

11:32am: All the traumas from my parents are now showing in me. I know how to deal with them. But it’s a sad and scary reality. I still hate them. And angry. But I care. Not about them

11:34am: I’m not enslaved anymore

I just wanna be real

11:35am: I had a past life I remember. I remember seeing fossils and being near the ocean. Wasn’t scared of the ocean. I remember being formless and walking. Looking down at the sand

11:42am: It’s a strange world we live in

12:29pm: since when did movies become traumatizing?

1:32pm just started my TikTok 😊