Program Log: 101

Program Log: 101

May 5, 2025

A Fair Warning….

9:17am: Just sharing this because I feel like it needs to be said: If people troll my platforms and get it shutdown, I am coming back. I will always come back. I am not afraid of starting over.

11:51am: On my way to my clinic.

1:55pm: Everything that I do that is work and requires effort, I consider business. My journey of self-discovery and self-understanding are work. They are just as much of work to me as my work in mental health, my artwork, and my physical work. Discovering and understanding myself intellectually in all aspects is a part of the business that I do.

1:57pm: Try not to involve people in your work and business: Try not to share too much of your business movies and your work plans, and try your absolute and very best not to rely on people. For they will indeed disappoint you, and/or try to sabotage you. It is a fair chance of one or the other. Or both even. I speak of both family/relatives or strangers. Treat those close to you as you would the general public. Because in the end of the day they are still people too with their own insecurities and biases.

2:02pm: I consider everything business. Even the very act of resting is business.

2:47pm: I am currently on an important phone call. If things do not workout today I will have to call them tomorrow and ask my transportation agency to transfer me to their line directly. I guess I will have to be doing this now. This is my life.

3:11pm: Okay. One of my other chores: Are to take out the trash. Documenting this because the trash may be full on days that are not a Thursdays which are my designated chore days….

3:13pm: Just got back home. Going to eat some food.

May 6, 2025

6:42am: Just rearranged my schedule to be more productive in a way that does not overwhelm me.

2:41pm: My time is now valuable to me. My time is way more important. And I need to spend it doing things that will help me professionally in my business.

3:03pm: I think I need to pay more attention to social cues when dealing with the general public. Both my relatives and strangers alike. I need to pay attention to social cues because I know I cannot be my true self with neither my relatives, nor strangers. And oddly enough, I love my strangers more than my relatives when it comes to interacting because it feels as though I am starting fresh in a way. But when it comes to my relatives, they have seen me grow up with them technically up until now and they think they know every single thing there is to know about me, which I despise and dislike. They, and I think just all or many family’s in general, think they know an individual so much, that they get upset when that individual starts to change. They even get mad when you try to explore yourself. I shall never be a father, but let me just say, I would have rather different methods when it came to taking care of my child. Culture, especially African culture, condone the emotional, and even sometimes physical mistreatment of a child. And I believe that is what plagues my relatives to this day. There is also the conception of how an individual needs to worship their parents, but that is a multicultural thing. Not just Africans do it but I think every culture does  it in a sense. We are all allowed to be our own individuals. Whether we love them or not, we are not taking our relatives, families, nor strangers with us to the grave. We will be there all alone. We owe it to ourselves to be open to our own personal evolution and beneficial development. Enough said. Mic drop.

From private diary….

3:46pm: “Does the past version of you ever feel like—I don’t know, an alien?….

Like, the shit that person cared about is so worthless you can’t even remember being them?…..”

~ Vinh from the Life is Strange Double Exposure gameplay.

He’s back at it again with the great quotes. It’s exactly how I feel. I’ve ditched my past self. He is absolutely worthless to me. But his dreams are still and shall always be of value to me. His, Jesse’s, dreams are the only thing of him that still exist today. Otherwise, the person and the force and the mind inside of this body are a completely different person entirely. Now you can see why I cannot be my true self in front of people who only know me from the past. Hence, my relatives, but now you can see why I like talking to strangers who do not know me. Are interaction is far less strained and filtered.

I am Forming a New Power: Einai Sasa Jesse Nganga Njoki’s New Ability and Power……

4:18pm: I am forming a new power as we speak. It’s still too early to determine what it’s called. But I got it from an inspiration. Sometimes things feel as though they are just meant to happen. Whether or not it is truly meant to happen is a different story. But I just can’t shake that feeling. I was meant to find this game, and it’s helping me with my next movie, Project 20, and it’s helping my own new powers develop. What a journey….

4:44pm: Real power is developed and not granted nor given.

6:07pm: Go into the storm. Descend into it. Until the reverse force pulls you out of it. Otherwise? Walk right into it. Just as Max and Safi did.

9:18pm: Just took a shower. Watching another gameplay now.

9:23pm: Now watching a gameplay of Life is Strange True Colors. Finally getting to it.

9:28pm: What people think of as the spirit realm or whatever is Pure Experience. It is too early for me to explain more on this matter. But I’m learning it right now…. 

9:31pm: I now call the Nonphysical the Spiritual Mental or the Mental Spiritual. I remember I used to call it the Mental Spirit. Yeah.

10:02pm: The nonphysical has neither good nor bad. It is this physical world that has both good and bad, and even limbo. I’m trying to focus on my Pure Experience.

11:57pm: When I was born here in the physical world all that I am became scattered. I don’t really have my memories yet of who I was before I became Jesse. But here’s the thing, my nonphysical self is currently trying to pull every piece of me towards itself. This includes the tormented and sick aspects to me. This is why I saw that horned shadow descending towards me a couple years ago. My nonphysical self was pulling it towards me without myself realizing it back when I was deeper within my human consciousness. I also heard this nonhuman giggle years ago that sounded like a clown. I need to get to know who Jesse is. It likes that name. Jesse. My nonphysical self does not know what else to call me and I do not even know what to call it. It approves of Jesse for now. 

May 7, 2025

12:03am: So basically, all the shadows I see, all the entities I see, are either connected to me or reflections of me. Jesus, Voxsriin, Yahweh, even Axah. All of them. I can feel the sound of the Emptiness again. It is rather comforting now when it used to be unsettling….

12:10am: I feel like Garnet from Steven Universe. How she was two people in one? That is me with Jesse. But Jesse tells me he has so many more versions of himself that he has kept safe. I may not share much about them to protect their privacy. Just me and my Jesse. When Jesse cries so do I. I love Jesse. I’m just now getting to know him for who and what he truly is. He’s more than a name. The being and entity behind Jesse is what approved of that name. It also allows me to go by Einai Sasa artistically…. Enough said. Back to what I was doing…..

12:33am: The Avatar: Fire and Ash teaser trailer should be coming out soon. Hopefully this week or the next week.