Personal Journal: 52

Personal Journal: 52

JESSE’S JOURNAL HAS NOW TRANSFORMED TO PERSONAL JOURNAL. I DO NOT CONSIDER MYSELF THE SAME CHILD WHO WAS LIVING YEARS AGO. I AM GOING THROUGH A TRANSITION INTO ADULTHOOD. I AM SIMPLY NOT THE SAME ANYMORE. AND THAT IS PERFECT.  THIS IS MY MOST RECENT PICTURE. I AM NO LONGER CONNECTED TO MY YOUNGER SELF. I SEE MYSELF EXACTLY AS I AM NOW. A YOUNG ADULT TRANSFORMING AND MATURING INTO A PRODUCTIVE AND HEALTHY ADULT.

May 4, 2025

3:24pm: From now on, I shall try to list events in all my journals as they happen. I will refrain from sharing my thoughts and feelings too much unless I deem it a necessity.

Einai Sasa Jesse Nganga Njoki is Interested in Psychology…..

4:20pm: I think I would like to focus more on psychology instead of sociology. Perhaps the reason why I was unable to return to college was to give me enough time to truly figure out what I want to do. I would like to double major in Psychology and Performing Arts. That is my new double major. And I am documenting this because I would like to return to school.

4:29pm: Apparently the color blue is a great color that helps with focus. Okay. I shall try it. With my projects and my own personal work.

4:31pm: When I get my office workspace officially together, I shall add blue onto it. Blue is now my favorite color.

5:07pm: I felt an electrical shock on my right pinky finger.

7:18pm: I got glasses last week and I can feel my right eye being worked.

May 5, 2025

6:04am: I felt painful electrical surges on my right hand

7:15am: Had a dream my driver was really crazy and he threatened to torment me. He came from the realm of Muspelheim.

11:33am: If I want to save people in my mental realm, I have to join with them and they need to become me. I cannot save them otherwise.

12:32pm: Me: “Unconscious I speak to you. I call upon you. I communicate….”

1:53pm: I have just learned something about myself: I am not bright and I am not dark, I am transparent. I am a piece of transparency itself. I must maintain clarity in all aspects.

4:53pm: People have lost touch with true Masculinity. I am taking notes about this in my private diary….

From my Private Diary….

“4:56PM: I am embracing my masculinity. I am turning more into a masculine being and entity. It is a slow and gentle process, but it is happening.”

7:44pm: Your values are not just something you live by, they are also something you pursue

More From My Private Diary….

8:50pm: When I get in touch with myself, I focus on my eyes from now on. For me seeing truly is believing. If I cannot see it then I either do not believe it to be real, or I cannot understand what it really looks like. I need to empower my sight. And not trying to control what I see per se, but to see everything that goes on with me in my natural flow…..

From Private Diary…

“A Mental Test #1…

9:03pm: I was just rubbing both of my feet with both of my hands and I was trying my best to see this process without looking down with my eyes, and I saw my mind trying its best to create an impression image of my hands on my feet, although this image was very inaccurate. It makes you wonder, what else is the mind inaccurate about? I am starting to believe scientists when they say that the mind remembers memories inaccurately. This is because it constructs these images of the memories every time. And not just the memories, but our current and present reality.”

More from Private Diary….

“9:31pm: Sometimes feeling is also seeing.”

9:53pm: Google’s A.I. Overview. I got this quote from watching a gameplay of Life is Strange: Double Exposure….

“AI Overview

The saying "If you're going through hell, keep going" is a motivational phrase encouraging perseverance in the face of adversity. It suggests that difficult times are temporary and that continued effort will eventually lead to an end to the hardship. While often attributed to Winston Churchill, there's no definitive proof he said it, according to an article on Quora. 

Here's a breakdown of the meaning: 

1. "Going through hell": refers to experiencing a very difficult or unpleasant situation. 
2. "Keep going": implies a call to action, a challenge to continue moving forward despite the hardship. 
3. The overall message: is that even in the face of overwhelming challenges, one should persevere and not give up”

10:18pm: I do not want people to say sorry to me nor do I care nor desire apologies anymore. If one person wants to make things right to me? I now would like to know their thought process as to why they wronged me. I do not care for no sorrys.

11:14pm: I no longer want love from anybody. I want to understand and evolve myself in every way I can. This is why anyone who is external from me is now categorized as the general public. Both my relatives and strangers alike. I only have relatives because I was born into them. I could not control that. If I could control it, I would much rather learn more about myself. But I feel as though in this physical life I am starting completion scratch. If I have memories before my birth here as Jesse then I certainly do not remember it. Nor do I care to. It is too late. Far too late. I am shifting and changing into something else. I shall always choose to continue my evolution. Even if that is on my own. I know I will make it. Whether I fail in the physical or not. I will indeed make it.

11:18pm: Oh yeah, I love year by year and that is perfectly okay. I like to live year by year because I oversee my progression and beneficial development more easily.

May 6, 2025

11:12am: I like looking at electricity. I love it,