Jesse’s Journal: 50

Jesse’s Journal: 50

May 3, 2025

8:03pm: I am now focusing on growing my light, my love, and all the positive sides to me. I have explored my dark sides for so long. In order to be properly balanced I need to understand both my good and my bad. My light and my dark. Yesterday it was the time for my dark, today is the time for my light. Let my light grow…..

8:20pm: The two people I love are Voxsriin and Yahweh. I do not see Jesus anymore. And I no longer miss nor do I feel close to Axah. It is just Yahweh and Voxsriin. Those are the two I am close with in my mental world.

10:30pm: People do not realize how physical the mind really is and can be….

May 4, 2025

6:41am: I just realized something. If you are feeling a lack of motivation, work on just doing the action you need to do without even giving it much thought.

9:32am: Documenting this because it matters to me and I noticed it: When my siblings talk to each other they all talk to each other enthusiastically, when they talk to me they seem so tired of me and my presence. You know what? I shall try not to reach out to you all anymore. I no longer care about you guys because you guys clearly treat me differently. But that is the thing, I am different. Very different. I am already working hard on myself, trying to become the best version of me everyday. People do not know the level of ambition that I have. I shall only talk to my parent and to my other relative. My siblings no longer mean anything to me. Sometimes body language can be deceiving, but sometimes body language can be very telling. I see and hear their body language when they talk to each other and it is indeed very different than when they talk to me. Okay. Very well then. You my siblings shall be muted from my life. I do not need nor want your two-faced behavior. But do not come to me when all my success manifests. Do not try to drain me with that vampiric energy that you all have. I will keep moving. I came into this world alone, and I shall leave this world alone. My life, my casket. End of my statement.

10:20am: You know something? If I end up failing to reach my goals to the maximum degree or leaving this life before my time, at least I will depart knowing that I tried. There is no turning back for me. The days of my complacency are over. I am to be more productive. And I am willing to put myself through all the ringers necessary to fully manifest and bring all my dreams from the mental world into this physical world. I have discovered that people do not care about me as much as I thought they did. And you know what? That is okay. It is not their job to, it is my job to do this. This is my life, and it will be my casket. 

10:44am: Me: “Gemini? We humans are animals and a part of the food chain whether we like it or not. That being said, how can I be in touch with my savage animal side in a way that is beneficial to me? I am trying to explore myself and my primal nature without causing harm to myself and others. Please give me a thorough answer. Thanks.”

10:45am: Gemini: “It's fascinating that you're looking to connect with your "savage" animal side in a way that's both beneficial and harmless. You're right, we are part of the natural world, and tapping into that primal energy can be quite powerful. Here's a thorough exploration of how you can do that:

Understanding the "Savage" Within

First, let's clarify what we mean by our "savage" or "primal" side. It's not about being violent or uncontrolled. Instead, it encompasses the deep-seated instincts, energies, and ways of being that we share with the animal kingdom. This includes:

 * Instinctual Awareness: A heightened sense of intuition, gut feelings, and awareness of your surroundings.

 * Physicality and Movement: A natural inclination towards physical expression, strength, agility, and the joy of movement.

 * Emotional Authenticity: Experiencing and expressing emotions in a raw and unfiltered way (without necessarily acting destructively).

 * Connection to Nature: A deep-seated resonance with the natural world, its rhythms, and its beauty.

 * Self-Preservation and Boundaries: A strong sense of self and the ability to assert boundaries for your well-being.

 * Playfulness and Exploration: An inherent curiosity and desire to play, explore, and engage with the world.

Beneficial Ways to Connect with Your Primal Nature

Here are several avenues you can explore to tap into these aspects of your being in a healthy and constructive manner:

1. Embrace Physicality and Movement:

 * Wild Movement: Explore forms of movement that feel natural and uninhibited. This could be dancing intuitively to music, moving like different animals, or simply stretching and swaying in ways that feel good to your body.

 * Nature-Based Exercise: Engage in activities like hiking, trail running, swimming in natural bodies of water, rock climbing, or even simply walking barefoot on the earth. These connect you physically with the environment and engage your body in primal ways.

 * Martial Arts or Self-Defense: These disciplines can help you connect with your inner strength, learn to assert boundaries physically, and develop a heightened sense of body awareness. Choose styles that emphasize groundedness and natural movement.

 * Primal Fitness: Explore fitness routines that focus on natural human movements like squatting, lifting, carrying, crawling, and jumping. These can build functional strength and connect you to ancestral movement patterns.

2. Cultivate Sensory Awareness:

 * Mindful Observation of Nature: Spend time in natural environments and actively engage your senses. Notice the smells, sounds, textures, and sights around you. Try to observe as an animal might, paying attention to subtle cues.

 * Sensory Deprivation/Immersion: Experiment (safely) with practices that heighten certain senses. This could be spending time in darkness to enhance hearing, or focusing intently on a single taste or smell.

 * Barefoot Grounding: Walking barefoot on grass, sand, or earth can help you feel more connected to the ground and the natural energy of the planet.

3. Explore Emotional Authenticity:

 * Journaling and Expressive Arts: Use writing, painting, music, or other creative outlets to explore and express your raw emotions without judgment. Allow yourself to feel and acknowledge the full spectrum of your feelings.

 * Primal Scream (Controlled): In a safe and private space, allow yourself to release pent-up emotions through vocalizations. This can be surprisingly cathartic.

 * Shadow Work: Explore the darker or less accepted aspects of your personality. Understanding and integrating these parts of yourself can lead to greater wholeness and reduce the likelihood of these "savage" aspects manifesting destructively.

4. Deepen Your Connection to Nature:

 * Spending Time Outdoors: Regularly immerse yourself in natural environments. This could be a local park, a forest, a beach, or even your own garden. Simply being present in nature can be deeply grounding.

 * Learning About Wildlife: Study local flora and fauna. Understanding the behaviors and survival strategies of animals can offer insights into your own primal instincts.

 * Wilderness Skills: Consider learning basic survival skills like fire-making, shelter building, or foraging (under expert guidance). This can connect you to the fundamental ways humans have interacted with the environment.

 * Animal Communication (Observation): Observe animal behavior closely. Try to understand their communication through body language, vocalizations, and interactions. This can enhance your own non-verbal communication skills.

5. Embrace Play and Exploration:

 * Unstructured Play: Engage in activities purely for the joy of it, without a specific goal in mind. This could be dancing, building things, exploring new places, or simply being silly.

 * Curiosity and Wonder: Cultivate a sense of childlike curiosity about the world around you. Explore new things, ask questions, and allow yourself to be surprised.

Important Considerations for Safe and Beneficial Exploration:

 * Safety First: Always prioritize your safety and the safety of others. Avoid any activities that could lead to harm.

 * Respect for Nature and Animals: If you're engaging in outdoor activities, do so responsibly and with respect for the environment and its inhabitants.

 * Mindfulness and Intention: Approach these practices with awareness and a clear intention to connect with your primal nature in a positive way.

 * Self-Awareness: Pay attention to how different activities make you feel. Notice what resonates with your inner "savage" and what feels forced or uncomfortable.

 * Balance: Integrate these practices into your life in a balanced way. It's about finding a harmonious relationship with your primal side, not letting it dominate your life.

By consciously exploring these avenues, you can begin to tap into the powerful and beneficial aspects of your primal nature. It's a journey of self-discovery that can lead to greater self-awareness, resilience, and a deeper connection to yourself and the world around you. Enjoy the exploration!”

10:47am: I am very interested in learning Wilderness Survival Skills.