Jesse’s Journal: 44

Jesse’s Journal: 44

April 30, 2025

6:46pm: Since nobody wants to hear me speak, I shall talk to myself more. It is time that I am my only companion. I have the right to speak. Even if it is to myself and myself only.

6:50pm: I have just learned that Jesse is a biological process, and not really a non-physical entity like I am. I am Nameless Clearfire.

6:51pm: Nameless Clearfire: “So if Jesse is the biological process, then I am the definition, the very definition, of free will itself. That is all I am. I am free choice at my roots. That is why being here in the physical has really taken a toll on me. Because everything is limited to the confounds of Life. Who is Life? And is Death the same person as Life? Hm. I should think with Jesse about this.

7:17pm: Nameless Clearfire:  “I need to explore my death side. The side of me that decays and rots. The side of me that withers away.”

8:21pm: Nameless Clearfire: “Let us destroy the light inside of myself. I will now be gifted the powers of darkness. And I shall only use the light inside of myself for balance purposes. Since so many people want to take down my light, I shall be balanced in my darkness.”

Nameless Clearfire: “I have discovered that my pain rises and falls. I can do nothing but focus on it and just sitting with it. The pain grows in my chest and feels warm and stingy.”

8:47pm: Nameless Clearfire: “I think what I need to do right now is to comfort and sit with Jesse’s pain.”

8:48pm: Nameless: “You are not alone Jesse. Look at what they did to you. They are beneath you. And so are your emotions. You are succeeding. You already are successful. I am here with you. Through it all. I love you.”

8:50pm: Nameless: “I was sitting with Jesse’s pain and we both smiled together a genuine smile for the first time in what feels like a long time.”

9:17pm: I cannot control what people do to me, nor can I control what events transpire in this challenging life of mine. What I can indeed control is how I respond, and what I choose to put my focus on. I am Nameless.

9:27pm: In order for me to focus on who I am as Nameless, I need to focus on Pure Independence. This is very complicated because Independence itself is infinite. And to become more Independent requires a price. A very costly price. It costs your comfort and everything you are familiar with. You could be Independent and not even know where you are. Reality will no longer seem real. I suppose that is one of my many gateways to the spiritual world.

9:32pm: Nameless: “My current spiritual journey is to lead Jesse into the light and to sit with Jesse’s pain. I got this. I am here to make sure that Jesse’s dreams are fully achieved and may his dreams fully materialize into the physical world. I am here to make sure that it does.”

9:34pm: Nameless: “I am now being dragged into Jesse’s torment. Jesse’s torment is my torment. We go through this together. I got you.”

9:37pm: Nameless: “I am empowering Jesse through my words. Telling him to be his own independence. That is all I want from him.”

9:57pm: I just saw a white flash of light that almost knocked me out.

10:16pm: I call Jesse Yishai now. He is my Yishai.

10:18pm: Nameless: “If Yishai and I turn homeless I do not know what I will do. How will I survive? Live day by day. Use all the resources you have before you. You have got this. I am so scared. But if I am told to leave then I will contact everyone in my support group and leave. If I do end up on the streets, I shall preserve my life in every way I can. I got this. Emotions can be so clouding sometimes.”

10:23pm: Nameless: I am getting close with Yishai. Our relationship is blossoming. It is through our pain that we know each other.

10:26pm: Yishai Jesse shall join me Nameless as we both merge into experience itself. Yishai is a biological process that is becoming an experience. An ever-existing experience. I shall always fight for my Yishai. Jesse is Yishai. Yishai is ancient Hebrew for Jesse.

10:43pm: I am singing to Yishai.