Jesse’s Journal: Entry 40

Jesse’s Journal: Entry 40

April 28, 2025

Does Einai Sasa Jesse Nganga Njoki Believe in God?

7:18pm: All that is planned in my program shall take place, but when it comes to me personally, I just want to get to know my Self. I love Yahweh, but I would just like to focus on my Self from now on. The most important relationship you will ever have is the one you shall have with your Self. So there might be gospel projects in the future, but that does not mean I am a servant of Yahweh, I speak to him like I speak to you. I love him, but I need to love my Self first before anything. Just putting out that disclaimer. As for God? I hate God. And I would like to wage war against him. Come rain or shine, I have a vendetta against God.

7:49pm: My Self goes dark often. I am having a deep conversation with my Self. It is intimate. It was my Self who was the one that brought red glowing horns into my physical months ago.

7:52pm: I am feeling calm and content. It is just me and the Self.

7:57pm: I connect deeper with my Self the more I experience things.

7:59pm: I was asking my Self how I can connect to it better and it said, “experience.” I do not have to search. I need to just do and live my life.

8:01pm: my Self wants me to experience fun. He just says fun. But I know to experience responsible fun. 

Introductions of the Earthquake of Happiness….

8:03pm: I am feeling the earthquake of happiness.

8:16pm: I am bonding and making a bond with Invisibility. I am Invisibility in its purest form of expression. I am invisibility realizing itself. 

The Art of Experience…

8:20pm: my Self wants me to both experience invisibility and join the art of experience itself.

8:22pm: My Self says that in order for me to know it is to fully be independent myself and to fully gain my independence. And to also be okay with not knowing everything about myself. Because all will be making sense eventually later on.

8:29pm: I am going to play this one great subliminal about Return to Sender in Tenfold Defense. I love it. I shall repeat this subliminal throughout the day and even throughout the night. 8:30pm: You have to get yourself out of the darkness. Only you yourself can.

8:39pm: When it comes to my own purity, it cannot be controlled. It wants to get to know me as its independent piece, but we cannot control each other. Infinite choice exists.

8:45pm: Here is a great video about how to stop giving others too much access to you…..

https://youtu.be/cJ-bbVVReHQ?si=mJQ6FvFIQRGMWD4I

April 29, 2025

8:13am: I just heard an alarm beeping noise. It sounded like a classical alarm beep. But yeah. Wonder what that could be. There was no alarm present.

1:49pm: I am being guided towards independence. That is what matters to me the most now. Being independent. Not even depending on myself.

1:53pm: As Five Nights at Freddy’s 4 says, “Tomorrow is another day.” 

5:06pm: I asked my inner self what my power was, it said, “Endurance. Change.”

5:29pm: I have discovered that there is an opposing force. This opposing force is what triggers others, be it family or strangers, to attack me and try to imprison me. This force does this by jumping into these people. Yahweh is not a part of this opposing force, but this God is. And then this opposing force jumps into my relatives and even strangers who are supposed to help me, like the peer staff and even my therapists.

5:42pm: The opposing force jumped into my family and made them criticize me. This was done in order to destroy my growing confidence to fully be comfortable with just being myself. And do not get me started on their concept of this God. I personally feel like they go by the text, the Bible, so much that they forget that Yahweh is his own person. They do not know him like I do I feel. But I just keep my mouth shut. Only documenting their crap in my journal because I have the right to have a voice and I have a right to exercise my voice and free speech. I try to protect their privacy so that there is no legal retaliation.

5:44pm: I am naturally a neutral person. But I am now trying to become a defensive neutral. Neutral in stance, but defensive in action. Defensive for only myself. Since nobody has ever defended me. Ever. Like they would all defend each other, both family and strangers alike. Nobody gives me grace, nobody plays devil’s advocate for me, and yet they expect me to do that for them. That will stop. From now on, people have to be kind to me first, otherwise I will not be kind back. 

The Return of Nameless…..

5:53pm: In order to understand yourself more, who you really are, understand who you are naturally. Do not try to be anything you are truly not. Who I am does not have a name. I do not go by a name in the realms beyond this physical. My family and strangers call me Jesse Nganga, but artistically I am more known by Einai Sasa, but my true self’s name is nameless. Oh! I remember calling myself nameless! Maybe I should bring that name back. I am Nameless. When I see the word nameless, I get this black energy. But who I am truly does not have an energy, it is pure independence and will. That is who I am. I am a neutral being. I am Nameless.