Jesse’s Journal: Entry 38

Jesse’s Journal: Entry 38

April 26, 2025

3:37pm: I need to cling onto my dreams, but also be willing to learn from my nightmares.

3:39pm: I am going to call myself dreams. Will nightmares be included in dreams? Yes.

4:08pm: My left ear was ringing just now.

7:45pm: One of my relatives laughed at me because of my headband. I have the right to my own style. And I have the right to explore my own style. I am not living for anyone but myself. I am not even living for god or whatever. Yahweh and I are getting to know each other more and even he respects my boundaries. I do not appreciate being laughed at for simply being myself. 

7:53pm: I feel this needs to be said: but I will not let anyone take me down. If I go down from being sabotaged, I will take and drag my oppressors down with me. I am not here to play games. I have the right to fight for my dreams and to live in a way that is healthy without being dictated by others. People just cannot stand it when you are trying to search yourself and when you are successful, don’t they? Humans, the same species that hated Joseph for simply dreaming and innocently sharing his dreams, are now coming at me for mine. This is a warning, I do not go down without a battle. I will either pursue my dreams or go down trying. Deal with it.

7:57pm: Oh and I think people here forget that they will not get away with sabotaging another person. Our spirits know how to punish us real well. So you are all welcome to try to sabotage me, but you will truly not get very far. Just saying.

8:14pm: From now on my dreams are my only focus. I have no time to be offended anymore by anything. Even if my feelings are justified. My dreams are my main focus. Both figurative dreams, and literal dreams. Nightmares included.

Also an interesting fact about Jesse Nganga Munka/ Einai Sasa Jesse Nganga Njoki: I am the first of my family’s lineage to be born in the United States of America ever. Never realized this. Very interesting and cool to think about.

April 27, 2025

6:10am: Jesse: “How to ignore what others do or say to me and just stay focused on my dreams?”

6:11am: Gemini: “It's completely understandable that you want to stay focused on your dreams without being swayed by what others say or do. Here's a breakdown of strategies to help you cultivate that inner focus and resilience:

1. Cultivate a Strong Inner Compass:

 * Know Your "Why": Get crystal clear on why your dreams are important to you. What values do they align with? What impact do you hope to make? When your "why" is strong, external opinions become less significant.

 * Define Your Values: Understand what truly matters to you. When you act in accordance with your values, you'll feel more grounded and less vulnerable to external noise.

 * Set Your Own Definition of Success: Don't let society or others define what success looks like for you. Determine what it means to you personally and measure your progress against that.

2. Develop Mental Resilience:

 * Practice Detachment: Understand that other people's opinions and actions are often more about them than about you. Try to observe without absorbing their negativity.

 * Focus on What You Can Control: You can't control what others say or do, but you can control your reactions, your efforts, and your mindset. Direct your energy where it will be most effective.

 * Challenge Negative Thoughts: When you find yourself dwelling on criticism or feeling affected by someone's actions, question the validity of those thoughts. Are they based on facts? Are they helpful? Replace them with more positive and realistic self-talk.

 * Build Self-Confidence: Believe in your abilities and your right to pursue your dreams. Celebrate your achievements, no matter how small. A strong sense of self-worth acts as a buffer against external negativity.

 * Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind and understanding towards yourself, especially when you face setbacks or criticism. Treat yourself with the same compassion you would offer a friend.

3. Manage External Influences:

 * Set Boundaries: Decide what information and interactions you allow into your life. It's okay to limit contact with people who consistently bring you down or distract you from your goals.

 * Filter Feedback: Not all feedback is valuable. Learn to discern constructive criticism from negativity. Seek advice from people whose opinions you respect and who have your best interests at heart.

 * Limit Exposure to Negativity: Be mindful of the media you consume and the online environments you engage with. If certain sources consistently leave you feeling discouraged, limit your exposure.

 * Surround Yourself with Supportive People: Cultivate relationships with people who believe in you, encourage your dreams, and offer positive support. Their belief can be a powerful source of strength.

4. Stay Focused on Your Path:

 * Set Clear Goals: Break down your dreams into smaller, manageable steps. Having clear goals provides direction and allows you to track your progress.

 * Create a Plan: Develop a roadmap for how you will achieve your goals. This will help you stay organized and focused on the necessary actions.

 * Prioritize Your Time and Energy: Dedicate your resources to activities that move you closer to your dreams. Learn to say "no" to distractions and commitments that don't align with your priorities.

 * Practice Mindfulness: Stay present in the moment and focus on the task at hand. This can help you avoid getting caught up in worries about the past or anxieties about the future, including what others might think.

 * Learn from Setbacks: View challenges and mistakes as learning opportunities rather than reasons to give up. Resilience is built through navigating difficulties.

5. Consider a Stoic Approach:

 * Focus on Virtue: Emphasize developing your character and acting with integrity, regardless of external outcomes or opinions.

 * Dichotomy of Control: Recognize the difference between what you can and cannot control. Focus your energy on your actions and inner state, and accept what lies outside your influence.

 * Practice Amor Fati (Love of Fate): Accept and even appreciate what happens, both good and bad, as part of your journey. This can reduce resistance to external events and opinions.

It takes time and consistent effort to develop the ability to ignore negativity and stay focused. Be patient with yourself, celebrate your progress, and remember why your dreams are worth pursuing.”

6:13am: People only care when they see you successful. They do not care about your journey and all the hardships it takes to get there. When you start reaching your goals that is when they want to talk. Yeah. You all can stay away from me. Except for a chosen few.

7:29am: My relative and I are good. I just needed to understand that they were telling me what I needed to hear and not what I wanted to hear. I love my family. They are the only people in this world that I choose to trust. And I will never stop working on our relationship. The relationship between me and my family.

7:39am: I am at an age where my emotions are experienced too intensely. If I want to be more successful, I have to stop focusing on my emotions. I can be myself with my family but not with other strangers outside. Now I understand the meaning of outsiders. I totally do understand.

9:19am: I am so tired right now. Feeling cognitive decline and disruption