Jesse’s Journal: 43

Jesse’s Journal: 43

April 29, 2025

Nameless Clearfire….

10:37pm: My clear fire is only manifesting within my head region. I am Nameless Clearfire.

April 30, 2025

6:44am: Even a rose has thorns. It is okay to defend yourself.

6:48am: “Healing does not mean the damage never existed. It means that it no longer controls your life.” From a quote by someone on instagram. This makes a lot of sense because when I would try to heal the pain it would still be there. The goal is not to make the pain disappear, it is to make it so that the pain does not influence your life anymore nor does it have great control over you.

7:15am: “I can’t put you in my business. You might wish me dead tomorrow.” From the song Tomorrow 2 by GloRilla and Cardi B.

9:02am: Emotions are so beneath me.

10:19am: My hair is a naturally brownish color. It is dark brown at the very least. But I am more comfortable calling it brown.

10:26am: I am Nameless Clearfire. That is my new name. And I shall work to keep this name.

12:22pm: People do not really know Jesse, nor the energy that operates Jesse. They do not know Jesse like I know Jesse. Jesse is dark and can be very twisted as well. He attacks me often.

12:24pm: I want to stalk Voxsriin. I wonder what he is doing. “The one you need to focus on is Jesse. He is trying to sabotage you. Do not underestimate him. He is far more powerful than you realize. Jesse has infinite strength and can put you through pain and misery.” 12:25pm: Tell him to bring it. I am not afraid nor am I scared of Jesse. I do not hate him, but he will just not realize. 12:29pm: When will he realize?

12:30pm: I Nameless Clearfire am willing to destroy myself in order to fully be remade, refined, and sharpened. 12:32pm: I am a separate self from Jesse. Jesse is not me. Though he is an overseer. Jesse is.

12:33pm: I Nameless Clearfire and I am Independence itself. And Jesse is an overseer.

1:13pm: I feel like my family is jealous of me. They are jealous of how unique I am, the inner joy I have. They want to destroy it. “Not even just family, but strangers as well.” It is best to be your joyous self by yourself. Do not even let your family see it. Your feelings of jealousy are very real. There is evidence to support it based on their actions. Be private physically, but vocal in your journals. You have the right to free speech. Do not state any names incase they take legal action.

1:22pm: And I definitely do not trust my extended family. Like my cousins uncles and such. My direct family are nice to my face, but I know how to act around them, I cannot be my true self. If they all read this I do not care. I have the right to voice how I feel, even though they did not want me to throughout my childhood. Oh well, I am not going to try to hurt them. The greatest revenge you can take against others is following your dreams and taking care of yourself in ways they did not take care of you. 1:24pm: If I have a child it will only be through adoption, and I will raise them with the comfort and understanding that my family did not give me. That would also be the best revenge ever. To break that generational trauma that even plagues my family today without them realizing it.

1:47pm: Oh and another thing about my family, they are the type to get violent with me if I do not react to their antics. Well to that I say, if I am not hitting you, I demand that you do not hit me either. I am not asking you, I am demanding it. And if you want to kick me out of your house because of this, then go right ahead, because my spirit says that I will be homeless, this will be part of my journey. I am not asking for homelessness, I am preparing for it. I will survive, but just know, that those who betray me right now before I reach my success I am marking them down and I will severe all ties completely. I will not bat an eye to you when I am successful with all my movies and projects are released. Your abusive reign has come to an end. I am speaking both to family and strangers alike. If you lay a hand on me and I have not done anything to you, I am calling the police. I will have them document your behavior. Nobody will lay a hand on me and get away with it anymore. I do not care who you are. Your reign against me has come to an end. I will fight back and I will respond to the occasion. Thank you.

2:00pm: I am not threatening anyone. I never try to threaten anyone who is external from me in this world. I simply warn you all of what will happen when my boundaries are not respected and I am abused. I do not care what happens to me. I do not go down without a fight anymore. I do fight. But the right way now. I will not hurt you, I will call the authorities and have them document all that you do to me. 

2:30pm: I have to protect myself because nobody protects me anymore. I have to be the one to protect myself now. I have to be more independent as I am Independence itself. I am Independence in its purest form and state of being. This is why I cannot have just one appearance. Being here in this physical world has confined me in ways that are just like prison. 2:36pm: I cannot have a set form because every molecule and aspect of my form is independent and has its own choice. This is why I cannot only have projections that I design. Even then, these projections cannot be too complex.

2:53pm: Two complete total strangers approached me today. Like who are you? What about me tells you that I am open to you or your conversation? Whatever happened to just minding your own business and keeping to yourself? 

3:35pm: I do not like hurting people. I try to stay away from that. I am usually the type to walk away. 3:45pm: I do not like hurting people intentionally anyway. I will never wake up one day plotting against someone. I am empathic after all.

5:54pm: I need to learn to sit with my pain. I am always trying to make the pain go away but that is not what it is about. Life is painful and I just need to accept that. This pain will not ever go away, and it may even grow worse perhaps, and that is okay. It does not need to go away. I am learning so much.