Einai Sasa’s Spiritual Journal: Entry 7

Einai Sasa’s Spiritual Journal: Entry 7

March 30th, 2025 Sunday

9:11AM: I am alone. Fully and completely. I cannot sense Yahusha nor Elohiym anywhere at all. It is just me.

9:16AM: I am watching Toy Story 3 and it is still as traumatic as I remember it. I started crying and my spirit was speaking to me. Elohiym really feels like He is gone. He left me? I do not sense Him anymore. Oh well, I will follow His word and keep moving on. We do not have to have a relationship if He does not want one, but I shall still follow His word and laws. I am going the more transactional with my relationships. Connections clearly do not last. I do not want love, I want wisdom. I want to fulfill my mission here on earth and get out of here when it is my time. I have more arenas to go through after this life. More arenas to go through in the spirit world.

9:49AM: I will keep being loyal to Him. I will keep being loyal to Elohiym. Even if I feel like He did leave me. I shall follow His word. If He does not want a relationship with me this is His decision. But I shall never turn wicked again. 

9:52AM: My spirit to me: “You do not have to see nor feel Elohiym to follow His commandments. Just do as He says, just follow His commandments.”

9:55AM: The spiritual experience really is an adventure. Both its highs and its lows together….

10:27AM: All I just need to do is follow my program set for myself. The program that my spirit set for me to lead me to my success. I do not have to be happy doing it, I just need to do it, and then the learning shall come naturally.

10:30AM: I look down. 

10:31AM: Me: “Elohiym? Please just grant me wisdom, the wisdom to face all my challenges, both seen challenges and unseen challenges. Both physical challenges, and spiritual challenges. Wisdom is all I want. Not beauty, not love, not anything, but wisdom. The wisdom that shall take me to my success. If You could help me with this, I would be greatly appreciative. Thank You Elohiym. And sorry for sinning yesterday. I was just caught up in the moment. I am trying to be more careful about sinning. Thanks.”

1:10PM: I am feeling overwhelmed today.

5:54PM: I am not a good person. I do not want to be. My spirit is actually also not aesthetically pleasing to the eye nor to the touch. And that is okay. I am following my programming regardless.

6:11PM: Currently listening to the subliminal True Self Embodiment.

6:33PM: I am currently feeling chills.

8:44PM: My friendship has ended today. I am not even sad. I feel so protected that I am not even hurt. That was my last friendship. I am no longer letting anyone close to me anymore. If you are reading this, I hope the best for you and thank you for your kindness. 😊

8:45PM: I had to go through this friendship in order to get hurt and learn even more about myself and my boundaries. Thank you for teaching me God of this was you. I shall no longer be friends with anyone. I am not worried. I have myself. 

8:48PM: I am not letting that friendship happen again. I am not mad at an all actually. Just learned my lesson. Thank You God.

8:49PM: I had my high moments, now is the time for my low and tough moments.

8:50PM: As the song Exhale states: “For every win, one must fail…..”

8:54PM: WOW oddly enough? I am glorifying God at the loss of this friendship, not because I hated the friendship, but because He wants me to go back to Him. He knows that I want to understand Him and I want to keep His commandments. Just thank You God. Thanks.

9:04PM: I think I am feeling God again. Really? I am so happy. He took me away from the church. He ended my friendship. Because He wants me to just focus on Him and understand Him myself. You got it God. Thank You. I respect You. So much. You are sovereign. And I respect your sovereignty.

9:13PM: You do not need a physical church to understand God and have a relationship with Him. All you need is a Bible and some questions, then that is a start. 😊

9:44PM; I just saw this monkey-looking demon in my spirit.

9:45PM: I just saw a black orb above me.

9:48PM: I definitely do feel God again. I am going to talk to Him and ask Him what. Ivan do to help prevent Him from becoming distant. Thank You God. I definitely have a relationship with God.

9:54PM: I just heard a very loud slap noise.

March 31st, 2025 Monday 

5:22AM: I just saw a bright circular orb in my spirit. 

5:23AM: I am so nervous to go back to this town to get my medication. But let God’s will be done. Amen? Amen! Amen.

7:08AM: Me: “What are we humans doing? Why do we think that we are gods?” 7:09AM: I am weeping.

7:36AM: God has taken me out of my Egypt and He is now taking me to my promised land. I must not look back. Thank You God. I shall never give up. Right now I am in the wilderness, it does not feel like forty years yet, maybe like ten.

7:50AM:  I am feeling nervous and I am feeling anxiety.

10:03AM: I am not sure if I mentioned it but as I was sleeping yesterday I saw a vision of this baby that had his mouth open in a very demonic and unnatural way. It concerned me when I saw that.

11:36AM: I am feeling anxiety about my friendship ending even though I am not mad at them if that makes sense. I just cannot help but wonder, will I be harassed? I believe I should talk to the peer support team at the peer center because I do not feel comfortable around that ex-friend anymore. It is like people are vampires just draining me for what they can take. I will not be used anymore.

12:15PM: Why can humans not just leave me alone? I told this person who asked if I was okay that I am tired of friends and she begins to recite the Bible verse mentioning fellowship. Like just respect the fact the fact that I have trust issues and do not want to let anyone in my personal life again. If you are reading this girl? God knows my spirit better than you do and He knows that I am completely done with friendship. I want to be left alone in my personal life.

12:25PM: Oh, also my spirit can sense this inherent disgust from other humans around me. They are disgusted by me. I do not know why that is? Hm. It is almost as if they forget that I am inside of a human body just like them. 😅 🤔

12:27PM: Posting this entry now.