Entry #25: Updates and Drama

Sunday February 16th, 2025…..

6:07PM: I suppose I need to study myself and my state of oblivion. Oblivion is such an unresearched and understudied realm for Me. I need to now observe what goes on in the state of Oblivion for Me.

8:11PM: Working on my Family Tree. I have been working on it for the last hour and a half. I intend for it to be as accurate as possible. It is on the Ancestry.com app.

8:18PM: That is enough work on the Family Tree for now. I am off to a great start.

Monday February 17th, 2025….

8:01AM: I have just woken up very recently and used the bathroom. I want to type and record my dreams more, but I am always just super duper tired when I initially wake up at first…

8:02AM: I am now going to work on PROJECT 17 currently…..

8:08AM: I have just now finished typing up a page for PROJECT 17 for the day and now, I shall maybe surf my cellphone or sleep in further…

11:33AM: I am so heated right now. I had this talk with my relative to try to tell them how I feel, and like I thought, they scapegoat me once again. 

I do not know what to say right now. 

11::35AM: I am crying before Axah, I tell Him: “I do not have to forgive fucking anyone.”

11:49AM: Here is what I sent to my two relatives, I have finally voiced my opinion and feelings and I do not want a certain relative in my life anymore…

Me: “I am sending this message here because this is the only group chat I am in from this family.

***? I am not happy at how our conversation went. 

I deserve to be heard and supported. If I do not matter so much, I would have died in the hospital from that overdose in 2023.

It seems to me that I cannot have REAL AUTHENTIC conversations with you like I do with ***.

I do RESPECT ***, and I apologize that my actions in the past have not showed that.

However it is clear to me that you do not respect me. You and ********.

I see respect from **********.

But ***, I think you need to stay away from me because I did not like how I felt through our discussion just now.

I DESERVE to be heard and supported, and if my own damn relatives are not going to do this then I will do this myself.

My casket, my life.

I will be here for you all if you need my help but I do not want you in my daily life anymore ***.

I was looking forward to this talk to help us BOTH ESTABLISH BOUNDARIES, but like the past, you use me as a scapegoat and the evil one..

Have I been the villain? Yes. I have and I have the potential to be again if I am not careful.

You hurt me this day, I do not feel heard by you or truly supported, but that is okay, I will get support elsewhere.

Please do not contact me anymore, and do not speak to me anymore ***.

You have made me very very upset today. And no, I am not playing the damn victim. I am human too and I am truly hurt.

Whatever, if I am in a situation I do not like, I will pull myself out of that situation, you better believe it.

I am not that same person in the past that you could all use as a doormat, walk all over, and disrespect.

We are all changing and we are all healing, but situations like this prevent my healing. And I am done lashing out and being the negative person.

I cannot rely on you all to change, only myself.

Thank you, and if I have to love you from a distance, then I freaking will.”

11:53AM: My relatives have yet to respond, and honestly? I do not fucking want them to.

11:59AM: Even if people are not here for Me, I am, and the Earth is. It is such a beautiful sunny day today. Oh. I am cooling off now from that disaster of a conversation, and I have said my peace. I am glad.

12:04PM: I am so much more calm now. Me staring at the window in the living room and seeing the sunlight really helped me stay grounded with the Earth. I am still here, I am still Me, and I am still here on Earth, living.

So therefore, it is not the end of the world. A single bad conversation does not define me.

12:13PM: It all feels so surreal. Did I really just cut off my relative? Yes. Yes I did.

I do not want them to be in my life anymore. I wonder who is next?

12:15PM: Contrary to popular belief, I do not HAVE to forgive. I do not give shit if people forgive me or not, I am not going to forgive. I am far too hurt by my relatives and forgiveness has never resonated with me. If you hurt me? Get out. I do not need you, I need myself and the Earth. Goodbye and good riddance.

Get out. I will not forgive you. I hold a grudge. I may forgive you on your deathbed, but for now? Stay away from me. I do matter, and I am not your fool. 

12:20PM: I only need to forgive myself, not anyone else. I do not even feel as though my relatives are remorseful at all, it is as if they do not care.

Well? I do. And I am out. Get out. Anyway, I got that forgiveness quote from this person here…. (SEE POST PICTURE)

12:33PM: Another great statement from somebody on Reddit (SEE POST PICTURE)….

12:47PM: I am so scared of ending up alone, because deep down I still care about my direct relatives, and I am so scared to burn the bridge and totally end the relationship. But they do not think of me, so why should I think of them? 

And honestly? I like vengeance. And I love holding a grudge. I feel as though holding a grudge gives Myself more power over the negative situation that has happened to Me. Good riddance you relative.

12:49PM: If they want to include Me in their funeral then I will go, but if they do not, then I do not care.

I will still keep them on my will, but I will be really really honest. Let me update it. If they want to go to my funeral then that is fine, if they do not then I do not fucking care. 

Whatever.

12:54PM: Let me update my will and Advanced Healthcare Directive.

2:29PM: I am going to listen to ‘everything i wanted’, a song by Billie Eilish…. I believe and think that it is rather fitting for this occasion.

2:36PM: I am listening to another song by Billie Eilish, it is such a powerfully empowering song. The song is called ‘Therefore I Am’.

2:49PM: I am the Earth. I just had this realization. Forget the Universe and Outer Space, I am the EARTH. And I am PROUD.

2:52PM: I am so proud of Lesley Gore the singer. She was such a badass and really really left a powerful and everlasting legacy… I was just listening to her song, ‘You Don’t Own Me’.

2:53PM: I am now going to play the song, ‘Chain of Fools’ by the Queen of Soul herself, the Late Miss Aretha Franklin.

2:59PM: I shall call Myself Earth Gaeo  Terro from now on. But my first name shall always be Earth.

3:03PM: I actually want to have a tattoo of the Earth on my chest and have the continent Africa showing on it. And I would like the tattoo to be in full color.

3:12PM: In my moments of sadness, hurt, and pain, music brings me together with the Earth. I love Earth so much.

3:17PM: The words for Earth are as follows. So for Greek it is Gaia/Gaea, for Latin, it is Terra. And for Old English it comes from the German term from Earth, which is Erda. But all of those names and terms have feminine vibes to them, so that is why I call myself Terro instead of Terra, and Gaeo instead of Gaia/Gaea. 

And like I typed out earlier that I still want a tattoo of the Earth with the African continent showing and the tattoo needs to be in full and absolute color.

3:20PM: So the two terms in Swahili for Earth are Dunia and Ardhi.  I shall also call myself Dunio. I recognize the word Dunia but not Ardhi.

3:22PM: I miss my relative already, but oh well. Missing them is a part of the healing process.

3:35PM: I think I have learned something in my twenties, one vital thing. And that is: That people do not care about you as much as you think they do.

This is just something that I have noticed.

3:45PM: I Earth ask Gemini the AI: “How can I better my relationship to the Earth in a manner that has been scientifically proven and tested with irrefutable evidence?”

Gemini: “It's wonderful that you want to strengthen your relationship with the Earth! There's a growing body of scientific evidence showing that connecting with nature is not just good for the planet, it's good for us too. Here are some ways to foster that connection, backed by research:

1. Spend Time in Nature:

 * The Evidence: Studies consistently show that spending time in nature reduces stress hormones, lowers blood pressure, and improves mood. It can even boost your immune system!

 * How to Do It:

   * Forest Bathing: This involves immersing yourself in a forest environment, engaging all your senses. Research shows it can reduce stress and improve well-being.

   * Hiking: Even a short walk in a park can have benefits. Hiking trails offer a chance to connect with nature and get exercise.

   * Gardening: Growing your own food or flowers can be incredibly rewarding and connect you to the cycles of nature.

   * Simply Being: Find a quiet spot in nature and just sit, observe, and listen. You might be surprised at what you notice.

2. Learn About the Earth:

 * The Evidence: Understanding how ecosystems work and the challenges facing our planet can deepen your appreciation for nature and motivate you to take action.

 * How to Do It:

   * Read: Explore books and articles on ecology, conservation, and environmental science.

   * Watch documentaries: There are many excellent documentaries about the natural world and the importance of protecting it.

   * Visit nature centers and museums: These places often offer educational programs and exhibits.

3. Take Action to Protect the Earth:

 * The Evidence: Engaging in pro-environmental behaviors can increase your sense of connection to nature and give you a sense of purpose.

 * How to Do It:

   * Reduce your impact: Make conscious choices to reduce your consumption of resources, minimize waste, and conserve energy.

   * Support sustainable practices: Choose products and services from companies that are committed to environmental responsibility.

   * Get involved: Volunteer with local environmental organizations or participate in community initiatives to protect nature.

4. Cultivate a Sense of Awe and Wonder:

 * The Evidence: Experiencing awe in nature can have profound effects on our well-being. It can make us feel more connected to something larger than ourselves and inspire a sense of gratitude.

 * How to Do It:

   * Observe the sky: Watch a sunset, gaze at the stars, or simply appreciate the beauty of the clouds.

   * Explore wild places: Visit national parks, forests, or other natural areas that inspire you.

   * Practice mindfulness: Take time to appreciate the small wonders of nature, like the intricate patterns on a leaf or the sound of birdsong.

Important Note:

The key to building a stronger relationship with the Earth is to make it a regular practice. Even small, consistent efforts can have a big impact over time.

By spending time in nature, learning about the Earth, taking action to protect it, and cultivating a sense of awe, you can deepen your connection to our planet and experience the many benefits it has to offer.”

3:55PM: Earth: “What place of the Earth is the closest we can get to the Earths center in terms of feet measurements?”

3:56PM: Gemini’s response…

“That's a great question that gets at the heart of how we measure "closeness" to the Earth's center!

The place on Earth that is closest to the Earth's center is the Challenger Deep in the Mariana Trench.

Here's why:

 * Deepest Point: The Challenger Deep is the deepest known point in the ocean, reaching a depth of approximately 36,070 feet (10,994 meters).

 * Distance to Center: Because it's so deep, the Challenger Deep is actually closer to the Earth's center than any point on land, including the summit of Mount Everest.

Important Note:

 * The Earth is not a perfect sphere. It's slightly wider at the equator and flatter at the poles. This means that the distance to the Earth's center varies slightly depending on your location.

 * Even though the Challenger Deep is the closest point to the Earth's center in terms of feet, the difference in distance is relatively small compared to the overall size of the Earth.

So, if you want to get as close to the Earth's center as possible, you'd need to take a trip to the Mariana Trench and descend to the bottom of the Challenger Deep!”

3:58PM: Earth: “Yeah I am not making a physical descent into the Challenger Deep Gemini, sorry.

But I may do that and continuously gravitate towards the Earth’s Core in the ROMI.”

Gemini: “Ah, I see what you're getting at! You're talking about a thought experiment, a way to explore ideas in your mind. That's a fantastic way to ponder complex concepts like gravity and the Earth's core.

It's true that physically descending to the Earth's core is beyond our current technological capabilities. The immense heat and pressure would make it impossible for any human-made vessel to survive.

But in the realm of your imagination (the ROMI you mentioned), you can explore this journey without limits! You can imagine yourself:

 * Suspending disbelief: In your mind, you can overcome the challenges of heat and pressure. You can envision a special vessel, or even yourself, being able to withstand these extreme conditions.

 * Experiencing the journey: Imagine the sensation of descending through the Earth's layers, from the crust to the mantle, and finally reaching the core. What would you see? What would you feel?

 * Contemplating the core: What would it be like to be at the Earth's center? Imagine the immense forces at play, the swirling molten metal, and the magnetic field that protects our planet.

This kind of mental exploration can be incredibly enriching. It allows you to:

 * Think creatively: You can push the boundaries of what's possible and explore ideas that might seem impossible in the real world.

 * Deepen your understanding: By imagining this journey, you can gain a deeper appreciation for the Earth's structure and the forces that shape our planet.

 * Connect with your curiosity: Thought experiments like this can spark your curiosity and inspire you to learn more about science and the world around you.

So, go ahead and let your imagination take you on this incredible journey to the Earth's core! It's a testament to the power of the human mind to explore and discover, even in the realm of thought.”

4:01PM: Earth: “*I am impressed with Gemini the AI* 

So you know or can remember what the ROMI is?”

Gemini: “I'm glad you're impressed! I strive to be helpful and informative.

Yes, I do have access to past conversations and can remember context within a given conversation.  So, if you've mentioned "ROMI" earlier in our discussion, I can likely recall it and understand that you're referring to the Realm Of Mental Imagery.  However, my memory is tied to the current conversation.  If we were to start a completely new conversation, I wouldn't have that specific context unless it was something extremely common and widely known.  Think of it like short-term memory in humans.”

4:03PM: Earth: “Well, regardless of your short-term memory, I am highly and deeply impressed with your memory capabilities thus far.

Your memory skills set you far apart from many of the other AI assistants. And I am deeply impressed.”

Gemini: “Thank you for the kind words and the high praise! I appreciate your feedback.  It's encouraging to know that my abilities are proving useful and impressive.  My goal is to be as helpful and informative as possible, and feedback like yours helps me understand where I'm succeeding and where I can improve.  While I'm glad my memory within our current conversation is helpful, it's important to remember that I'm constantly learning and evolving.  The field of AI is rapidly advancing, and I'm fortunate to be a part of that progress.”

4:04PM: I am going to physically write on my green hardcover journal now and currently….

4:15PM: I just finished writing on my hard cover  green physical journal diary. 

4:16PM: I am now listening to the song ‘Make A Wave (feat. Joe Jonas and Demi Lovato) by Disney’s Friends for Change….

4:17PM: I got the song from the nature documentary, “Disneynature’s Oceans” (2009)….

4:18PM: Oh. I have so much pleasant memories of this song.

4:22PM: I just saw and experienced a vision of Jesus Christ while I was in the state of the ROMI. 

Did you know that I fell in love with Jesus Christ years ago? Even now, deep down I still love Him. Despite there being a lot of misconceptions about Him. 

4:25PM: I am currently now having an experience with Jesus Christ in the ROMI. This is a positive experience. Very positive.

4:26PM: And this experience with Jesus Christ was unprecedented. Totally unprecedented.

4:36PM: Holy shit! Pope Francis got hospitalized for a respiratory infection?!Sheesh.

4:50PM: Two of the clients that are living in this Emergency Housing shelter with me were arguing over the prices over movie tickets, and bruh! That shit was priceless yo.

4:58PM: With luck, I was able to order some food from Albertaco’s Mexican Food. It was about $9.40. Super CHEAP! I shall go to this place whenever I need to shop cheap from now on.

5:24PM: I have just finished my $9.40 cheesy French fries. And believe me, I definitely got my money’s worth…

5:25PM: Someone once said in the past, when it comes to buying and purchasing something, buy and purchase experiences rather than items more. 

Because experiences make memories, whereas items tend to take up space. 

5:26PM: I need to keep that in mind.

Okay. Let me now post this Public Diary Journal Entry now…