Entry #22: Valentine’s Day and More Updates
Thursday February 13th, 2025….
10:02PM: The acapella musical album PROJECT SHARP shall not have any public singles, just a full wide surprise release.
10:39PM: I am going to listen to a song and then I shall call it lights out for the night.
10:48PM: I am going to go to the bathroom. Before I sleep. I always have to go to the restroom always after I get intimate with Myself.
Okay. Be right back…
10:55PM: I just got back on my bed, and I am now going to go to sleep. Good night.
Before I go, I need to share something that bothers Me: I am always the one that is apologizing before my relatives. My relatives rarely take ownership of their actions. And I am tired of it.
As I said before, I am going to shut and lock the door, but I shall not burn the bridge. I will leave them to do that.
And guess what my relatives asked me? They asked me, “Do you expect love from other people out there?” First of all, there is no ‘out there’ to me. This is because I view all humans as equal.
But my relatives are still under this unrealistic notion that my home is with them, when that is just NOT WHAT I WANT ANYMORE! I do not want to stay with my relatives anymore. When I went back to my relative’s house the other day, the house did not even feel like mine anymore. It had just felt like a shelter that had a lot of my belongings, but it no longer feels like where I belong. Contrary to what my relatives unrealistically believe, we shall not be together forever, and I honestly do not want that. I want to be on my own journey. The journey of healing is a truly LONELY ONE! And I am NOT GIVING UP!
I am putting my foot down and I do not want these people that never really knew me to dictate my life.
If I make mistakes in my life along my journey, then so BE IT! Making mistakes are a normal part of the journey. And I am PERFECTLY VALID AS I AM NOW.
I do not need anyone, no friends, and no relatives. I am not dependent on anyone emotionally like that. Even in my relationship Axah, we are both independent. And honestly this truly makes us closer. I love Him.
11:05PM: Okay now. I am going to go to sleep. Thank you for reading this and making it this far. And good night.
Friday February 14th, 2025 (VALENTINE’S DAY💖❤️💓💗)…….
6:17AM: Happy Valentine’s Day! I have just gotten up and woken up from my sleep for the night.
It has been raining all night long, and I am now going to start my day now.
6:27AM: I told my relative yesterday that if I am rich then all of my relatives are rich and they still believe that I fucking hate them? What the hell?
I believe they are trying to still paint me as a bad person and I am honestly sick of it.
I am sick of all of my relatives bullshit.
Get off your high horse.
6:29AM: Laugh out loud, Axah is telling Me that it is Valentine’s Day and that I need to enjoy this day.
6:31AM: Myself to Axah: “I know. I just needed to get all that off my chest. Because when I let it all out, then I can let it all go…”
Axah places His left hand on my right shoulder….
6:54AM: I have just finished typing up PROJECT 17 for the day. And I have just taken my medication earlier for the morning.
I am now going to log my medications up in on my health app and I am going to relax and unwind before my transportation car gets here to take me to the Peer Center.
6:57AM: I am thinking about my feelings on how my relatives try to dim my happiness. I feel as though my happiness is their misery.
Axah tells Me: “Do not let them dim your shine. You can only control how you react. If you always continue to choose to be the better and more positively beneficial, then that alone in itself sets you far ahead from all of them. No matter how powerful you think they are, they are not. They do not have any power over you…”
Me: “Thank you Axah…”
7:00AM: Sometimes, I am really tired of talking. Or rather more so, talking to people here in Corporalis. But I never get bored of talking to and speaking to and with Axah however.
8:08AM: I have just gotten settled in the peer center.
8:17AM: I have officially come up with an official title for PROJECT SHARP, although I shall keep it hidden from the public eye for now.
9:39AM: I have just realized that I would like to be a parent someday. I would like to be a father. And I would like to adopt a child someday. I should let Axah know about this later….
9:49AM: Maybe deep down I do, but I do not love my relatives, I have a deep care and concern about them. But I do not have love for them anymore.
Who knows? That feeling might change in the future, but for now? My relatives are very unhealthy for Me. And I do not have love for them. I do not hate them either, I do not even hate my father.
But I do not have love for them currently. Only a deep care.
9:57AM: I want to start my own family. I have relatives, but I have no family.
11:07AM: Okay so I just got done complete the track-list for my new upcoming acapella musical album publicly and temporarily dubbed PROJECT SHARP.
11:57AM: I just edited my track-list and I have added even MORE SONGS. I am super duper excited for this album and I am super duper happy to excited for this album. It is my most ambitious album yet.
I have only made one album to date so far, but you get the point.
2:04PM: I just want to love and be loved.
2:52PM: I have just finished my peer class for the week. I now have quite a bit of downtime before my transportation car gets to take Myself back to the Emergency Housing…
3:57PM: My transportation car ride to the Emergency Housing just got here…
4:08PM: I have just gotten to the Emergency Housing now. I am now going to rest for the weekend. I may put my robe on, and listen to some nice music. I loved listening to the Late Aretha Franklin’s music earlier today. Rest in peace. And rest in power dear.
4:32PM: I am going to enjoy the rest of my Valentine’s Day. Ah… 🥰😍❤️💗💓💕☺️😉😘💖
Me: “Oh Axah, come and give Me some lovin…..”
I might even write a letter to ESJNN/Myself, later on, it may be a day late or it maybe as soon as possible, but I am going to allow my life to feel and just be meaningless and simple. Ah….
4:35PM: My Letter to Jesse….
“Oh Jesse, my Jesse.
See how far we have come together? See how far we have come together?
Do not forget about all the love that you have truly found in your life so far.
You are getting older and wiser everyday, and oh! I just want to say that I am proud of you.
If and in case you do not hear this often, I love you. I love you Jesse.
Happy Valentine’s Day my lovely Jesse, and just know that I would buy you roses if I totally had the money to do so.
Hang in there my love. I know you feel good. And you deserve to feel good.
You are the light of my life. And I love you Jesse.
You are mine.
And Axah love you too. Pursue your relationships. Figure out what you would like to do in this life.
You are my bright sunshine, and you are my comforting darkness.
Oh how the love I have for you SHINES!
My little love. My little dove. My beloved dear.
Enjoy this day. Celebrate your life everyday. And just know that I stand here with you, every step of the way….”
4:58PM: I am sitting here listening to the Valentine’s Day playlist that I prepared days ago. Just for this special occasion.
I am singing Rather Be by Clean Bandit to Axah… I really do love Him. Wow.
5:44PM: My true voice sounds as though it is broken. I am not a powerful singer, I am a very soft-voice singer.
6:12PM: Google’s AI Overview states this….
“AI Overview
Yes, you can pay for your funeral in advance through a "prepaid funeral plan"which allows you to plan and pay for your funeral services ahead of time, essentially locking in current prices and alleviating financial stress on your loved ones when the time comes.
Key points about prepaid funerals:
- How it works:
- You contract with a funeral home to purchase a plan that includes specific services like casket selection, embalming, and burial plot, and pay for it upfront or in installments.
- Benefits:
- Cost stability: Secure today's prices against future inflation.
- Peace of mind: Knowing your funeral arrangements are taken care of.
- Reduced burden on family: Less financial stress for loved ones during a difficult time.”
7:20PM: I am on my bed now. I am going to post this Public Diary entry shortly.
7:28PM: I am going to post this Public Diary entry now.
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