Entry #15
February 6th, 2025 on Thursday….
6:40PM: I went to bed early. I had a rather overwhelming day.
7:25PM: The manager of the CSU Center got back to me. How kind of them to reach out. If you are reading this. Thank you so much.
7:27PM: I have just taken my PRN medication to help me physically relax. I am becoming better each day. Even if I am not always putting up a smile in the process.
7:30PM: Hopefully taking the PRN medication helps me sleep and have better dreams. Dreams that are more calm.
The following interaction below is very much real, and I tried to type it all out the best I could remember, as it just happened…
8:18PM: Weird Stranger: “WHAT IS YOUR NAME?!”
Me: “Huh?”
Weird Stranger: “What is your name?”
Me: “I’m sorry?”
Weird Stranger: “What is your name?”
Me: “Jesse. Why?”
Weird Stranger: “What is your last name?”
Me: “Why?”
Weird Stranger: “Why are you so defensive?”
Me: “I do not really know you.”
Weird Stranger: “OH!”
Me: “Sorry.”
Weird Stranger: “Well do you know *****?”
Me: *Looks back at cellphone*: “No.”
Weird Stranger: “Oh okay.”
Well the truth is that I did actually know ***** but I did not want to start a conversation with this guy. This Weird Stranger is with me at the Emergency Housing. And I have the unfortunate luck of having him as my roommate. Why do people like talking to me so much, especially when it is obvious that I am having a bad day? Like I said before, I am through with having friendships here in the Emergency Housing. I need to surround myself with better people.
8:43PM: I am now going to sleep currently. Good night!
8:51PM: Upon trying to sleep. I saw a visual hallucination of Jesse and he was staring at me with a creepy grin all the while slowly tilting his head to the side. He looked like he was inside of a classroom of some sort. Very creepy. Class is in session I suppose.
February 7th, 2025 on Friday….
1:58AM: I am a little upset that I woke up. Not because I am depressed per se, but because I had this dream where I lost this tooth that was in my way. And I felt so spacious within my mouth. I was then starting to feel even better when I realized that I am going to have dentures. And then bam and boom, I wake up.
2:00AM: I am going to drink a little bit of water this early morning and then I shall return to sleep.
2:04AM: I now go back to sleep….
6:53AM: Just got up. Time to start my day…
6:58AM: I am already having a messy morning.
7:20AM: I have not started working on my movie script today. Not yet. I do feel like passing out.
7:28AM: My relative told me that I should leave their house earlier because my other relative wants to watch a stupid Superbowl? Really? My own care and mental health is more insignificant than a stupid football game? Do you see what I mean when I say people do not care about me? You all got me fucked up. That hurts me.
7:35AM: I just texted my relative about my concerns and feelings in regard to that whole Superbowl situation. Here is what I said. I will not be sharing what they said, as I do not care. I will share my part however….
“I understand that we need to cooperate with me and ********* over because he wants to watch the Super Bowl.
But if me taking my injection is so much trouble then can I just find a nurse to do it?
I am a little hurt that a football game is more important than my care.
I am not mad at you or anything. But should I even come back to your house and take the injection then at that point?
If it is too much trouble I can find a doctor to give me injections.
Once again I am not mad. I am a little hurt because I feel like you guys put the Superbowl before my care.
What happens if I miss the injection? Should that not be more important than? My health?
I may find somebody else to give me injections.
I will talk to my case manager about it.”
7:40AM: My relative is known by me for playing the victim often. And all of them get defensive and do not like to be told anything. So the conversation that follows should be interesting. Very interesting…
11:11AM: Hm. Bean and Cheese burritos do not hit the same way they used to. I believe I love the Garbage Burritos with refried beans substituting for the meat. And I love the soft tacos as well, once again with beans substituting for the meat.
11:12AM: Now that I am becoming more independent. I do not know whether my relative will force me to pay for insurance, and my phone bill etc on my own. I also need to start my own bank account so I can become financially independent. I am still waiting for my SSI. Once that comes, I believe I should be able to take care of myself.
11:17AM: I have just had my lunch. I also had my meditation class before that. I also have this movie-watching therapy later. Currently at my Peer Class.
11:54AM: I have some downtime before the next class, which is Film Therapy. It starts at 12:30PM. And I also have a new day-bag coming in soon by one of my nicest friends. It was initially hers but she is giving it to me to keep. Thank you T. If you are reading this, you are such an awesome friend. And I hope that I can return the favor of kindness that you exhibit.
11:56AM: What else do I need to do on my cellphone right now? Hm.
11:57AM: When T gives me my new day-bag, I am going to reorganize everything and transfer my belongings from the old day-bag, into the new day-bag. Thank you once again T.
1:14PM: The Telehealth Manager got back to me and she is the absolute sweetest. I feel more calm and I feel more forgiving towards the situation. Her name is Evette Yanez. Bless her so much. And if you are reading this Evette I thank you so much for your professionalism. You are so awesome. I feel so much better now. So if you guys are struggling with staff, please contact Evette Yanez. She shall surely help you.
2:06PM: I record my progress before Truth and Reality. And my progress is recorded before Truth and Reality.
2:08PM: I experience Myself in levels.
2:12PM: I would like to look up how to study Dark Energy.
2:45PM: I believe this Universe that we live in here in Corporalis is a living paradox.
2:46PM: I do not know what I am meant to be doing in my natural state. Just observe? Just perceive? Just experience? Hm. It is all one great big mystery to me.
2:51PM: Dunkle Materie…
2:52PM: Google’s AI Overview states…
“AI Overview
Dunkle materie is the German term for dark matter, which is a hypothetical form of matter that is invisible and doesn't interact with light. It's thought to make up about 27% of the universe.
How do we know it exists?
- Gravitational effects
- Dark matter's gravitational effects on visible matter have been observed, allowing researchers to infer its existence.
- Galaxy rotation
- Astronomer Vera Rubin confirmed the existence of dark matter in the 1970s by studying how galaxies rotate.
- Rapid motions in clusters
- Fritz Zwicky observed rapid motions in clusters and concluded that dark matter was needed to bind galaxies together.
What is it like?
- Dark matter is extremely difficult to detect because it doesn't interact with electromagnetic force.
- It doesn't absorb, reflect, or emit light.
- It has gravity.
What's next?
- Scientists are still trying to figure out what dark matter is and how it was generated.
- Some theories suggest that dark matter could contain "supersymmetric particles"….”
4:24PM: I have just gotten back to the Emergency Housing after a very busy day. I feel as though I am spinning all over the place. I do not know what to do other than be productive.
I shall type on my movie script for the day and when I finally get situated in the weekend, like Saturday, I am going to take a shower. I really need one. I have not showered all week.
4:32PM: I am going to type on my movie script right now. And then I will order food later.
4:43PM: I have just finished typing my movie script for the day. I am now going to give Myself a moment to unwind before I order my fast food…. I will take a shower tomorrow night.
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