Entry #4

January 24th, 2025

10:51 am I like solid evidence, something that can be measured and proven. Imagination is fun to experience, but it is not the best when it comes to being used for guidance purposes.

11:49 am “What can you tell me about imagination?”

12:02 pm “Let me think. Give me a moment. Give me a moment to think.”

12:15 pm “Imagination is not real. I have no idea what level of our being it is located in, but it is not real. It is simply Imaginary.”

12:16 pm “IAASO no longer exists. They were never real to begin with. It is time to be honest with yourself. It is time to be honest with myself.”

“I think I identify with atheism. I feel more comfortable calling myself that now.”

12:17 pm “I think the question we need to ask ourselves is if something is real, or not real.”

12:18 pm “What about my other name, ESJNN? Is that real? Or not real?”

“Not real. I may explain why in a much deeper manner later on, but the consensus, is no, the name Einai Sasa Jesse Nganga Njoki is not real.”

12:20 pm “Now do not get me wrong, imagination is not always a bad thing. However, it is best to believe in something that can be measured in a way that is more objective. In a way that is truly real for everyone.”

12:22 pm “I can start an argument with you easily there, but maybe for later.”

“Okay. That does not matter. Argue to your heart’s desire, and hopefully we shall come to a conclusion after. Whether that conclusion differs from me, or for you. Try to see what you could learn from our conversations…”

12:23 pm “I am an atheist. I am so proud of this discovery.”

12:24 pm “Me too. We are changing, becoming more free, and becoming more logical and sensible.”

1:55 pm Hm it is quite hard for me to tell, but when I was working on strengthening my jaw, it triggered a visual hallucination upon my face. I am not sure why. 

1:57 pm The visual hallucination was that my face turned really boney, pitch black, and it looked very skeletal. Hm. 

2:08 pm “The most ‘non-physical’ thing that I can think of is Potential itself.” 

“May you please elaborate?”

“Yes. What I can personally deem as a potential is what I can also refer to as a cause. Actually, I believe potentials create and give way to causes, which then gives life to an effect.”

2:11 pm “So according to my guesses and estimations so far, the cause for the universe as we know it was a potential. A potential is like a circumstance. Well, a chance that creates a circumstance.”

2:12 pm “I am beginning to shift to the belief that we were all put here by chance, not by certainty.”

2:13 pm “That chance is what came from the potential. Potential itself is infinite. For example, we have the potential to become a murderer, or a lawyer. We have the potential to go through miscarriages, or to gaze upon the sunset by the beach. Potential itself opens the doorway for endless and infinite possibilities…”

2:14 pm “Will you identify yourself with Potential itself? Will you allow yourself to be defined by Potential and its own immortal nature?”

2:15 pm “So while that sounds fun, I do not think I will. This is because I am beginning to be very comfortable with my own true mortal nature.”

2:16 pm “I feel as though in this current society and civilization that we live in, we obsess over very wild ideas of living forever or existing beyond what life has to offer right here and right now.”

2:17 pm “When to me, I believe it is okay to allow yourself to be simple, to allow yourself to be a genuine mortal being. There is nothing wrong with this.”

2:18 pm “I believe the answer to what created the universe is very very simple in reality, but we humans have all these terms and words, that we tend to over-complicate things…”

3:54 pm “I am very interested in Gravity. Like super interested and fascinated by it.”

5:34 pm “Gosh, I love trains…”

6:31 pm “I love my family. If they ever find this journal, I hope that they know that I love them. Even if I feel as though I should be loving them from a distance. I try not to take anything for granted. This includes my family.”

January 25th, 2025…

7:24 am Upon waking up just now I feel really weird. As if I am about to throw up…

9:09 am “I love thinking about death. That eternal rest as we know it….”

11:16 am “I love my brain. My brain is my friend.”

11:49 am “It is really cool because I think that I have a very strong role in my Imaginary World, if I choose to have one….”

11:50 am “I just realized that I have a throne room, it is a black throne. This throne room gives me Anglaton vibes from the film “Winged”. If you do not know who Anglaton is, he is the main antagonist of the movie….”

11:51 am “I used to think he was real. I tried so hard to believe he was real because I craved to have such a powerful and deep spiritual experience.”

11:52 am “However, I am learning that just being in your own realm of Imagination and allowing your imagination to run wild is a spiritual experience of itself. It is just important to realize that while it may feel real, it is not technically real or measurable according to my current knowledge…”

11:56 am “I was just stretching my physical body’s arms and it literally felt like I was about to faint. That is how you know the stretch was good, I suppose…”

“What do you mean? You should get that checked out.”

12:02 pm “I can see this entity that looks quite similar to how I have envisioned Jesus Christ would look like. It has its arms extended horizontally outward and it also seems to be pulsating, kind of like how a large passenger aircraft’s lights blink, but it had this very pulsating-like energy to the light that this entity from my Imagination possessed…”

12:04 pm “I love how rational you are becoming.”

“Thanks.”

12:08 pm As I was laying in a relaxed state, I hear a voice say, “Jesse…. I just executed myself….”

“Laugh out loud. What the fuck? Laugh out loud.”

12:09 pm “Yeah, only in my own imagination it seems…”

12:11 pm “I heard, ‘Jesse… open this door for me….’ And while I was deep breathing I saw this red biological-looking gate opening up to the rhythm of my breath. Hm, very interesting.”

12:39 pm “Remind me to download the song, Overcome, by Skott, later…”

12:56 pm “I am feeling trapped within my physical body.”

“Why?”

“I do not know for sure, but I think it is because I am overthinking too much.”

1:21 pm I am reminded to download the song I was mentioning earlier….

1:33 pm After reading some more information about death on Google, I tell myself, “I need to make those movies before I die.”

1:34 pm If you are not familiar with the movies I am talking about, I plan to make three more sequels to the film “Winged”. Which is my most successful film to date. Reported on January 25th, 2025 at 1:35 pm…

1:37 pm The rest of the films are titled:

“WINGED: THE SEARCH FOR ANSWERS

WINGED: THE GLORY OF TOV

WINGED: WHERE FEATHERS MEET THE WIND.”

And of course, these are all followed by the now almost three year old film ‘WINGED’ from March 2022. It is basically a late winter movie…

1:43 pm “I have to make these before I die. I am heavily dedicated to this.”

2:18 pm “While I was just singing, I was focusing on the direction of my breath for the most optimal singing technique, and I saw my physical body’s ‘points’. It is very hard to explain…”

2:25 pm “May you explain these points when you get the chance?”

2:26 pm “Yes I will, if and/or when I feel like doing so…”

2:54 pm “I asked Google how does the universe operate at the fundamental level?  Here is what Google said…”

2:55 pm “AI Overview:

At the fundamental level, the universe operates through interactions between tiny particles governed by four fundamental forces: the strong force, weak force, electromagnetism, and gravity, all playing out within the fabric of spacetime; essentially, the universe is made up of particles that interact with each other based on these forces, defining how matter behaves and forms structures across cosmic scales…”

3:30 pm I ask Google, what is the most healthiest state of mind to be in mentally? Here is what it says….

“AI Overview

The healthiest state of mind is considered to be one where you are present in the moment, have a positive outlook, can manage stress effectively, maintain healthy relationships, and feel a sense of purpose and fulfillment in life; essentially, a balanced and mindful approach to thinking and feeling, allowing you to respond to challenges with resilience and adaptability, while experiencing positive emotions and a good quality of life…”

3:31 pm “Hold on! Slow down! You and I still have yet to discuss about the Universe’s fundamentals…”

3:32 pm “Okay okay, let us discuss it.”

3:33 pm “Okay. Let me reread what the Google’s AI Overview states….”

“Okay. I have just read it. What is electromagnetism? And how does it differ from regular magnetic forces?…”

3:34 pm “Let me research this for you… I will be right back.”

3:36 pm The Question: “What is electromagnetism and how does it differ from regular magnetic forces?”

The Answer…

3:38 pm “…Electromagnetism refers to the combined force of electricity and magnetism, meaning it's the interaction between charged particles both when they are stationary (electric force) and when they are moving (magnetic force), while "regular" magnetic forces only involve the interaction between moving charged particles, essentially creating a magnetic field around them; the key difference is that electromagnetism encompasses both electric and magnetic forces, whereas regular magnetism only deals with the magnetic aspect arising from moving charges…”

3:39 pm “Interesting so far. Do you think that if we move we are immediately attracting ourselves into something else?…. For example, if I move my hand, and I am not even thinking about where I am moving it to, it is still moving itself toward something, yes?”

3:41 pm “Yes. I think you are correct. This is because every direction as we know it amounts to a 360 degree angle, if I am not mistaken.”

3:42 pm “I see. Thank you for answering my question.”

“I could be very much wrong though, but yes, this what I personally believe.”

3:43 pm I am feeling frustrated. I ask myself, “Gee, how do you cope with not knowing the answers to everything?…”

I answer, “Because we humans are mortal. We are mortal beings. We are finite. And there is nothing wrong with this…”

“You need to understand that you are not always superhuman. And that it is okay to be flawed in many ways. And that it is truly okay to simply cease…”

3:46 pm “Certain limitations and boundaries are very much necessary. And while the brain can be powerful if utilized correctly and carefully, it is certainly NOT invincible. And that discovery alone is okay…”

3:47 pm “I understand, I just wish I knew the answers already. Even at the fundamental level….”

3:48 pm “I understand you, but you have to realize that if you want the answers, you must understand how truly little you know, in the grand scheme of things…”

3:49 pm “Yes…”